Once Upon a time, when men were men, dogs were dogs and starbursts were opal fruits,there lived an Emperor in far off China, he wanted to keep his land safe from enemies so he asked the servants of his land, the people of China to build him a wall. A wall bigger than any wall before, so tall it would be impossible to crawl up, so long it would take weeks to walk across, a wall so spectacular it could be seen from the heavens.
So the servants did as their mighty Emperor asked and they built a wall biggest in the land, in fact it was as big as the land, and it took years to complete and many a father and son died building it (After all this was in the days before regular health and safety checks) many a man fell from the flimsy scaffolding and was crippled (because this was before injurylawyers4U if you got injured you’d lose your source of income). In short the building of the Emperor’s Wall came at a great personal price to his servants; the people of China. But the Emperor was the Emperor and the people did as they were told, and finally one day on a crisp spring morning the wall was complete. All stood in wonder at the magnificent stone structure in front of them a wall bigger than any wall before, so tall it would be impossible to crawl up, so long it would take weeks to walk across, a wall so spectacular it could be seen from the heavens. The Chief Architect called for the Emperor, the Emperor arrived almost instantly his eyes filled with wonder, he looked out onto the horizon and all he could see was his glorious wall, a wall bigger than any wall before, so tall it would impossible to crawl up, so long it would take weeks to walk across, a wall so spectacular it could be seen from the heavens.
The Emperor turned to the Chief Architect and said
"What?!" Cried the Architect.
"I don’t like the colour paint it, grey is a very miserable colour, I prefer something with a bit more dazzle about it some bright, some that will really capture the eye."
The Architect heart sank as he tried to calculate how many more men would suffer and die in the painting off the wall.
But the Emperor was the Emperor and the people did as they were told. And thus preparation began for the painting of the Great wall of China.
Meanwhile a man called Yu-Sze the Emperor’s personal Jester was walking around the palace preparing his act for the Emperor great banquet which was happening that evening. Yu-Sze had the freedom to do and say what he pleased as long as he kept the Emperor and his entourage laughing Yu-Sze was in many ways the only truly freeman of the entire Empire. Yu-Sze heard about the painting of the Great Wall and he began to ponder.
That night at the Emperor’s feast, music was played, the lords of the land ate and drank and the Emperor roared at the top at his lungs at how magnificent his new wall how his wall was the biggest. Then it was the turn of Yu-Sze it got up and opened with a joke.
"So the Emperor’s got the biggest wall, think he’s over compensating for something? Am I right ladies?"
The Emperor was furious and had the Jester whipped. But that didn’t stop Yu-Sze.
"Is that how you get your wife into bed?"
The Emperor whipped him again.
"You better get use to using that whip only way you’ll get that wall painted."
The Emperor had Yu-Sze thrown out of the feast
"You ungrateful shit!" Shouted the Emperor.
"I will have that wall painted, and I will not be mocked by the likes of you."
Yu-Sze walked down to the wall that night, he stared at the gigantic stone structure. “So he wants that wall painted, I’ll give him a painted wall.”
The next morning as the sun rose over the Great wall, the Emperor was mortified to find that someone has defaced his pride and joy, vandalised his Great wall. He looked out onto the Giant wall and painted on the cold grey stone was a large crudely drawn cock.
The Emperor flew into a savage rage he ordered all of his guards all the knights of the realm to find that clown, Yu-Sze had gone from professional Buffoon to public enemy number one. But the Jester didn’t mind in fact the Jester wasn’t even hiding he stood at the gates of the castle waiting to be arrested.
Yu-Sze was escorted to the Emperor court.
"What have you done to my wall?"
"What have you done to my wall?” repeated Yu-Sze, in a mocking tone.
"It’s not your wall it’s my wall!"
"It’s not your wall it’s my wall!”
"Hang on, are you just repeating everything I’m saying?"
"Hang on, are you just repeating everything I’m saying?”
"Stop it! This is serious!"
"Stop it! This is serious!”
This continued for a while. Until the Emperor got the whip. He whipped the fool again and again until Yu-Sze no longer moved. The Emperor then towered over the shivering clown and sneered
"Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t make you personally paint my wall?"
To which Yu-Sze replied
"I’m colour blind"
The Emperor continued to whip the Jester and the Jester continued to mock nothing the Emperor did could stop the jokes and days pasted and torture continued and news of Yu-Sze defiance and taunts spread through the kingdom, and Emperor began to look more and more foolish as he was unable to control his Jester, and it wasn’t long until half the kingdom were re-telling The Jesters jokes, everyone from Peasant to Priest, concubine to Knight everyone was laughing at the Emperor and his great plan to paint the great wall began to look like a stupid joke.
Eventually the Court Jester was released and the Emperor abandoned his plans to have the Great Wall of China painted and thus saved the lives of thousands hard working men and their families.